Struggle

I keep wanting to get on here and blog, but I am having trouble finding words to express what I am feeling. There are a million things going on in my mind. Everyday I have to keep giving my desires over to God. That is so hard because my internal dialogue circles round and round, day in and day out, all bout me and what I want. I want to be here, do this, do that . . . and on and on it goes. And changing that internal conversation needs to happen but it has to be a choice I make every day. It is a hard habit to break. We can go for what we want, do what we want to do, but if our motives are wrong, will God really bless us? And in the end, will we have the satisfaction that we so desperately crave? I want to be content. Not just the warm and fuzzy overall "I love my life" kind of content... I have that now. But the content that is deep down, satisfied living in the palm of God's hand. Knowing without a doubt that I was formed for a purpose and that is what I am fufilling. I want to search in the Bible for His answers, rather than just browsing a quick alternative version of the Bible because it's an "easier read". That is tough to do for me. Yet when I look back over my life, the challenging stuff is the best stuff in the long run. The things I struggle with and for, mean the most to me and I cherish the most. This time in my life right now, where I am at in my head . . . it is changing me. I will look back and remember this when I am old and gray. I just want this to also be a time where I have no regrets.