It's late, and my whole house is quiet. I can't sleep. Thinking about gossip. About how much I hate it, yet I still manage to let myself get sucked into it. I am surrounded by it everywhere I go. Why is it that something so destructive and mean spirited is so tempting to me . . . why is that? I am aware that only like three people ever read my blog, and you all LOVE ME, so I can just put it out there and be real with you about my ongoing struggle with this. God has been convicting me about this issue a lot lately, and each time that He lays it on my heart I commit to avoiding it like the plague (or H1N1 to bring it up to date, ha). Then, the very next time I am put in a situation, I gossip again. Sure, sometimes I may not be the person gossiping but I have still been a part of it and we all know, it's just as bad. So I keep failing. Which makes me so mad. And I am completely aware when I am choosing to do this, over and over. It is a choice that has short term benefits but lasting regret.
It's not as if I don't know what I should say, how I should respond, what I should do when temptation arises. I just choose to do it anyway. As painful as that is for me to confess.
Last night I went to bed kicking myself for my failures again in this area. I once again committed to stop the madness. Today another opportunity arose and I stopped it cold turkey. It was so hard to do! I reeeellly wanted to know what was going on with such and such. But you know what? I felt so much better when I walked away. Then I proceeded to "just say no" tonight at work again. Go me. Kidding! But really though, I have to say it was easier the second time.
I want to continue to battle through this. I am so thankful that God keeps bringing gossip to my attention because frankly it is easy to rationalize sometimes. I think gossip is so hurtful to people, and it certainly does not build rapport in friendship, work, family, and relationships in general. I am also so thankful for forgiveness and grace, that every day is a new day to start fresh.
Okay, so that's my rambling. If you think of it, say a prayer for me that I can conquer this! xoxo
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