Strength for today

Marriage and parenting are the hardest things in my life.  Not because of my husband or children.  I am constantly seeing my own weaknesses through the way I respond to my family.  Yesterday I started praying, asking God to show me my own issues every time I start nit picking my family in my own mind.  Because truly family is an opportunity to get better and be better every day.  I could never leave my own house and still find opportunity after opportunity to change my attitude, my response, and my hairstyle.  Okay, well, maybe not the hairstyle, that's another post entirely.

God showed me what a control freak I am.  Oddly, I don't remember seeing this part of myself before quite like this.  It is uncomfortable to see myself in a light that is not flattering, this is for sure.  And once I saw myself clearly, more examples of that kept coming to mind. 

Homeschooling Evan is another way I see my weaknesses.  A lot of them.  I can be so impatient, selfish, controlling.  In the end I do realize that the weakness is quite good, actually, albeit painful and sometimes embarrassing.  The weakness is actually helping me to not rely on myself but instead to pray a lot and rely on God's strength to get me through each day.  I certainly do need it these days.

Speaking of homeschooling, this morning as I sat reading with Evan on our back patio, I was once again so thankful for this opportunity to be with him.  It was warm and the sun was shining with a cool breeze to enjoy.  To be able to spend time learning together, it is a bonding experience . . . and it is a gift I am so thankful for.